Having been confined to the apartment for so long, Heather has become my only source of entertainment. But she is a great source. Just this morning, she was getting ready for work and had a bit of a situation. She had just gotten her suit dry cleaned and now there was a button missing. After she started to get upset, I decided to step in and save the day (you didn't know my superpower involved buttons?). I unbuttoned the jacket and then buttoned it starting from the TOP button instead of the second button.
THAT, was a close one. I had to sacrifice my secret identity as Button Man, but tragedy was averted. Now the townspeople will not have to run from the Hezilla (her name is Hezaa in Japan) that this travesty surely would have spawned. The Japanese have had to deal with enough of these supernatural creatures. But what will they do when she can't find the hat that she is wearing? Are my powers limited to the realm of buttons, or am I the Fantastic Four of brain farts? Only time will tell...
This message has been approved by the Heather Phipps and is not subject to scrutiny under the laws of mood swings (I know what you're thinking; this is like a release form that superficially frees parties from legal recourse, when we know that no such thing is possible. And you're right)
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Friday, January 23, 2009
Science is Scary
Recently, National Geographic made a show about the black hole at the center of our galaxy. It was titled, Monster of the Milky Way. This might sound like an overly-dramatic title to you for an educational show, but you're not Heather Phipps. The morning after watching this show, Heather slowly awoke, crying/whining about not being prepared for her physics final. I guess black holes were scarier than we all thought; they're the Freddy Krueger of astrophysical objects.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Mooovies
Warning: Contains Spoilers.
Double Warning: May Contain Highly Subjective Opinions (but probably not).
I first saw Slumdog Millionaire about a month ago. It started out as an entertaining flick. A young child suffers the hardships of growing up in a slum in India, but manages to get by with a positive outlook on life. Who wouldn't want to hear a story like that? Well, I wouldn't want to if the story was bottled in the very factories that exploit poverty (not that it isn't a mutually beneficial relationship). The pretty packaging abstracts away the means by which it is delivered at such a wonderfully low price.
SLC Punk teaches you that you can't wear a uniform to become punk, and South Park teaches you that you can't go to Hot Topic to become goth (if you learn everything from film and TV, like me). Similarly, just because they cover a kid in poop and blind another doesn't mean they're capturing a life in poverty. And if that's not the goal, why am I watching this movie? And why are you covering a kid in poop?! Maybe to shock you enough so they can shove something down your throat without you noticing.
It was still an entertaining movie, but it promised too much in the beginning and left me feeling let down. Not long after seeing that movie I happened to come across a couple movies that got very high ratings on IMDb (both top #70 all-time). I was very excited to see these movies, because it isn't often that a truly good movie comes out. They were The Wrestler and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I watched them as soon as I could.
The Wrestler was AWESOME! It is a little bit intense at first, but it wasn't too much for Heather, so it should be fine even for children as young as six. This movie may not provoke life-changing thoughts, but that's not something I expect from a movie. This movie felt like a true snapshot of some part of the world. It entertains you with its unfamiliarity (like Slumdog), and captivates you with its reality (unlike Slumdog).
After seeing The Wrestler, I was excited by the possibility of watching another great movie rather than the typical distraction I that keeps me company while I work. I'm talking about movies that are almost too distracting in how bad they are (although they do produce the occasional gem, such as "karate-chop sandwich"). I tried to wait until Heather had time to watch the movie, but I couldn't wait.
I should have known what was coming. With a name like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, you can't expect much. I was hoping it would result in something as unexpected as Death to Smoochy, but it didn't. This movie was even worse than the typical big-budget distraction. Unlike The Wrestler, it constantly judged the characters. I saw a review that contrasted it with 2001: A Space Odyssey. I think that was the perfect way to criticize this movie. I'd like to call The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Hollywood Buddhism/nihilism and 2001: A Space Odyssey compelling nihilism/apathy/misanthropy.
Such a highly ranked movie was so unexpectedly terrible. I later looked at Slumdog Millionaire's ranking and saw that it was right up there as well. I wish I had seen that earlier so I wouldn't have expected so much. Apparently, inflation applies to movie ratings as well.
I didn't go into much detail, but you get the point; see The Wrestler (and like it)!
P.S. - Redbelt!
Double Warning: May Contain Highly Subjective Opinions (but probably not).
I first saw Slumdog Millionaire about a month ago. It started out as an entertaining flick. A young child suffers the hardships of growing up in a slum in India, but manages to get by with a positive outlook on life. Who wouldn't want to hear a story like that? Well, I wouldn't want to if the story was bottled in the very factories that exploit poverty (not that it isn't a mutually beneficial relationship). The pretty packaging abstracts away the means by which it is delivered at such a wonderfully low price.
SLC Punk teaches you that you can't wear a uniform to become punk, and South Park teaches you that you can't go to Hot Topic to become goth (if you learn everything from film and TV, like me). Similarly, just because they cover a kid in poop and blind another doesn't mean they're capturing a life in poverty. And if that's not the goal, why am I watching this movie? And why are you covering a kid in poop?! Maybe to shock you enough so they can shove something down your throat without you noticing.
It was still an entertaining movie, but it promised too much in the beginning and left me feeling let down. Not long after seeing that movie I happened to come across a couple movies that got very high ratings on IMDb (both top #70 all-time). I was very excited to see these movies, because it isn't often that a truly good movie comes out. They were The Wrestler and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. I watched them as soon as I could.
The Wrestler was AWESOME! It is a little bit intense at first, but it wasn't too much for Heather, so it should be fine even for children as young as six. This movie may not provoke life-changing thoughts, but that's not something I expect from a movie. This movie felt like a true snapshot of some part of the world. It entertains you with its unfamiliarity (like Slumdog), and captivates you with its reality (unlike Slumdog).
After seeing The Wrestler, I was excited by the possibility of watching another great movie rather than the typical distraction I that keeps me company while I work. I'm talking about movies that are almost too distracting in how bad they are (although they do produce the occasional gem, such as "karate-chop sandwich"). I tried to wait until Heather had time to watch the movie, but I couldn't wait.
I should have known what was coming. With a name like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, you can't expect much. I was hoping it would result in something as unexpected as Death to Smoochy, but it didn't. This movie was even worse than the typical big-budget distraction. Unlike The Wrestler, it constantly judged the characters. I saw a review that contrasted it with 2001: A Space Odyssey. I think that was the perfect way to criticize this movie. I'd like to call The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Hollywood Buddhism/nihilism and 2001: A Space Odyssey compelling nihilism/apathy/misanthropy.
Such a highly ranked movie was so unexpectedly terrible. I later looked at Slumdog Millionaire's ranking and saw that it was right up there as well. I wish I had seen that earlier so I wouldn't have expected so much. Apparently, inflation applies to movie ratings as well.
I didn't go into much detail, but you get the point; see The Wrestler (and like it)!
P.S. - Redbelt!
Beer and Ice Cream
Heather: (after coming home from long cardio workout) I'm so drained.
Chris: I could go get you a beer and some ice cream. That would be pretty good.
Heather: That would be perfect, but I should probably just eat some carrots and go to sleep. (goes to the kitchen, opens the fridge, and gets the carrots out)
Chris: Aren't you saving those for a recipe?
Heather: Well, I guess it's beer and ice cream.
Chris: I could go get you a beer and some ice cream. That would be pretty good.
Heather: That would be perfect, but I should probably just eat some carrots and go to sleep. (goes to the kitchen, opens the fridge, and gets the carrots out)
Chris: Aren't you saving those for a recipe?
Heather: Well, I guess it's beer and ice cream.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I'm Serious, Stop Laughing
You might think this is a bit of an exaggeration, but Heather will set you straight. She was on the subway last night and saw a guy throwing up onto the floor. Well, he still had both shoes on, so maybe it's a slight exaggeration. But it really is a problem in Tokyo (maybe Japan?). It's expected to see men definitively staggering home anytime after 8 or 9pm during the week. On Christmas Eve, Heather saw a man passed out on the ground with a scratched up face and some wet pants (she got him some help).
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Thailand: Ramblings
Thailand is dirty and polluted. Why not start a fire in the middle of the highway?
There are many beautiful sights, but the few out of the polluted haze are over-crowded. The picture below was taken at the famous cove at Ko Phi Phi. We happened to catch the movie that made it more famous, "The Beach", the night before we visited it.
Erdem paid $30 to shoot a gun for the first time. $3 per shotgun shell was way too much for me to pay. He clipped two clay pigeons out of ten, which leads me to believe that either the "bad guys" in movies are shooting with their eyes closed, or they have never shot a gun before and just had a stroke.
Everything looks better in tropical climates.
The big Buddha was really big. I think it was supposed to be 45m tall.
Cats are Buddhist.
It wasn't easy to tell which was the men's bathroom.
There are many beautiful sights, but the few out of the polluted haze are over-crowded. The picture below was taken at the famous cove at Ko Phi Phi. We happened to catch the movie that made it more famous, "The Beach", the night before we visited it.
Erdem paid $30 to shoot a gun for the first time. $3 per shotgun shell was way too much for me to pay. He clipped two clay pigeons out of ten, which leads me to believe that either the "bad guys" in movies are shooting with their eyes closed, or they have never shot a gun before and just had a stroke.
Everything looks better in tropical climates.
The big Buddha was really big. I think it was supposed to be 45m tall.
Cats are Buddhist.It wasn't easy to tell which was the men's bathroom.
Snorkeling is much cooler and much more difficult than I thought it would be. We went around a small island (a few acres), and it was completely surrounded by coral (except for the boat docking area) that was just a a couple feet below the surface. There were few places where you could even bring your head above the water because you'd hit the coral with your legs. There were plenty of places we couldn't go because it was too shallow. One time I thought I had room to come up to clean my goggles, and when I put my head back down, I was inches from hitting several large sea urchins with my stomach. The coral seemed to go out indefinitely, but we weren't there long enough to do anything other than circumnavigate the island. It would have been fun to go farther out where it may have gotten deeper.
On our trip to Ko Phi Phi, we ended up on the gay tour, which provided a little comic relief(Brendan, this one is pretty much a layup).
Thailand: No Walk in the Park
I just wrote this blog, then blogger decided to delete and immediately auto-save. I am deciding to hurriedly rewrite it, otherwise I'm likely to throw my computer out the window.
If I made Erdem sound like too much of a wimp with the last post, re-read my post about my first long ride. If it still seems that way, maybe I didn't go into enough detail about how miserable I felt mid-ride. Then again, maybe I did. It should also be noted that my friend, Catherine, becomes incomprehensible when missing a meal or bedtime by a couple hours any day of the week.
Despite us taking it easy on the last leg (85%) of our trip, there were many hardships faced. Rather than go into detail, out of frustration, I will quickly list them:
Our first meal after the long ride was in the sketchiest place I would ever eat (well, almost). Our complimentary appetizer was a plate of plants. I say plants because I feel the word vegetable has connotations that I don't feel are appropriate. The first entree was uncooked, despite what I expected. Maybe my expectations were the problem considering the waitress clearly didn't understand a single word of English. Although my mind hesitated, my body did not. That first entree was gone in seconds.
My second entree was clearly the result of a mishap in the kitchen. I'm guessing a bottle of MSG lost its top directly over my food. Erdem's food, however, was pleasantly cooked and spiced. The small bit of garnish that wasn't cooked, he decided, was too delicious to keep to himself. That set precedent for him insisting that I try anything too "scrumptious" for him to keep to himself; primarily, seafood and uncooked food.
The next day, we searched for a barber to get a shave. The place we arrived at was more of a salon. To our surprise, they also provided shaves. That wasn't the only surprise, however. For instance, I was quite surprised to find that the blade they used on me was very dull. In an effort to not be a wuss nor embarrass the guy giving me the shave, I said nothing. The reason it might embarrass him is the guy who cut my hair handed the task over to him and seemed to take notes.
I was also surprised to receive a not-so-insignificant cut. Erdem said he looked over and saw a fair amount of blood. I was pretty certain what had happened when, in the post-shave clean up, they were tending to me like a cutman in a boxing match.
The ride to Phuket involved a short sleep in a train bed, followed by a few hours in the back of a pickup. It was a little cold and uncomfortable (great, now it's getting hard to make things even sound tough).
There were several occasions where we tried to figure out where we were and how to get home. We reserved the right to turn back at any moment. After encountering another hill, we ended up at this point.
We stayed at the last of the three beaches that you see. The first hill led us to the restaurant that is in the center of the picture by itself on the hill separating the two closer beaches. As you can see, we made it even higher. Also notice the big Buddha statue in the top right of the picture, clearly higher than we are.
If I made Erdem sound like too much of a wimp with the last post, re-read my post about my first long ride. If it still seems that way, maybe I didn't go into enough detail about how miserable I felt mid-ride. Then again, maybe I did. It should also be noted that my friend, Catherine, becomes incomprehensible when missing a meal or bedtime by a couple hours any day of the week.
Despite us taking it easy on the last leg (85%) of our trip, there were many hardships faced. Rather than go into detail, out of frustration, I will quickly list them:
Our first meal after the long ride was in the sketchiest place I would ever eat (well, almost). Our complimentary appetizer was a plate of plants. I say plants because I feel the word vegetable has connotations that I don't feel are appropriate. The first entree was uncooked, despite what I expected. Maybe my expectations were the problem considering the waitress clearly didn't understand a single word of English. Although my mind hesitated, my body did not. That first entree was gone in seconds.
My second entree was clearly the result of a mishap in the kitchen. I'm guessing a bottle of MSG lost its top directly over my food. Erdem's food, however, was pleasantly cooked and spiced. The small bit of garnish that wasn't cooked, he decided, was too delicious to keep to himself. That set precedent for him insisting that I try anything too "scrumptious" for him to keep to himself; primarily, seafood and uncooked food.
The next day, we searched for a barber to get a shave. The place we arrived at was more of a salon. To our surprise, they also provided shaves. That wasn't the only surprise, however. For instance, I was quite surprised to find that the blade they used on me was very dull. In an effort to not be a wuss nor embarrass the guy giving me the shave, I said nothing. The reason it might embarrass him is the guy who cut my hair handed the task over to him and seemed to take notes.
I was also surprised to receive a not-so-insignificant cut. Erdem said he looked over and saw a fair amount of blood. I was pretty certain what had happened when, in the post-shave clean up, they were tending to me like a cutman in a boxing match.
The ride to Phuket involved a short sleep in a train bed, followed by a few hours in the back of a pickup. It was a little cold and uncomfortable (great, now it's getting hard to make things even sound tough).
After we got settled on the island, we went out for a bike ride. It was supposed to be a relaxing ride along the beach, but the beach road ended pretty quickly. After that, it was either go back, or go up. The hill that followed was the steepest I had ridden on before, but not since. At the end of that hill, we were greeted by a nice restaurant.
There were several occasions where we tried to figure out where we were and how to get home. We reserved the right to turn back at any moment. After encountering another hill, we ended up at this point.
We stayed at the last of the three beaches that you see. The first hill led us to the restaurant that is in the center of the picture by itself on the hill separating the two closer beaches. As you can see, we made it even higher. Also notice the big Buddha statue in the top right of the picture, clearly higher than we are.After leaving this view point, we descended the longest and steepest hill I'd ever encountered on a bike. It was then that going back the way we came was no longer an option. So we slowly worked our way around the island. Every time I thought we must have hit the last hill, there was one more ahead of us. The short ride ended up taking us nearly to dusk.
After a full day of rest, we decided to visit the big Buddha at the top of the hill. That took over the spot for steepest ascent by bike in my life. The only bikers we had seen up to this point passed us on their way down. This left us wondering what their ascent was like. We ended up walking our bikes up a couple of steep parts, but we made it.
We became fairly familiar with the hills on the island. We dreaded the "Use Low Gear" sign we saw right before every hill. It was always placed at the gradual beginning of a hill, where the "uh oh" moment was still out of sight. The "uh oh" moment was probably the worst moment of every climb. It was either at the beginning of a hill, when you realize what you're in for, or right after a relaxed section of the hill where you're questioning whether it's over, or when you're wondering what's around the next bend, hoping that it's the end of the hill. Either way, in all cases, it's a long, straight, unrelenting ascent. By the end, we had gotten pretty good at them.
Well, not as quick a list as I'd intended. All in all, I'd call it a jog in the park.
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